my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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