i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
