I think I won the penis lottery.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
