So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
