that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
