i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
