I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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