i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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