Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Drunk is not a location!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
