Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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