I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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