Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Randomize
