Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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