My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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