why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
