he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
