We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
i think i just lost a toe
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize