sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
