dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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