hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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