all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
