Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
they're like a gay fantastic four
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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