I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
