Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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