The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize