You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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