I think i peed on brittanys purse
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
