We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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