Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize