her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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