Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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