listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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