It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
