yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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