is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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