i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
