His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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