Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
