shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
