i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
