she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize