I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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