dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
