I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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