I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
