you mean i was at the winter classic?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
