he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
