i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
