I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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