i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
