She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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