wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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