The brown eye won't let me do that either.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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