Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
