I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
