i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
