If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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