All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
