moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
