im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
