Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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