I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
