I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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