It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We were destined to go to rehab together
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
