Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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