Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
