I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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