Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Randomize
