I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
