One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
