Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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