My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
