as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
