i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
