I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
