I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
