I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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