i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
