I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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