I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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