I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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