You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize