I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
