I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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