Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
