I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
