she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
