I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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