I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
