Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i love accidental penises.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
