He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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