Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
