Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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