I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
