can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
