Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Sext me about skeletons
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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