Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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