i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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