Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
