Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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