You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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