I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
