I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
