haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
